Having just dropped Mylah off to her Nans, I began to make my way home. Feeling as gloomy as the clouds and my phone on 1%. I braced myself for the twenty minute wait I had until my train arrived.
With nothing to distract me from myself, I was stuck with how I’ve been really feeling.
Like utter shit.
Yes I have had good days, that I have felt self-cared for but since becoming a mother, self-care and self-effort has been a struggle for me.
I had this expectation that motherhood would bring out a new look, a new style and a want to self-care even more than I did before becoming a Mother.
Although my reality so far hasn’t gone the way I expected and it was days like this standing at the train station that remided me of my desperate need for a reality check (and then a huge hug).
Its not often that I get to go out with my girlfriends. I had been longing for this day to come. I onced loved wearing makeup but now was cringing at how terrible it would look on my irritable skin. I used to love dressing up and making an effort even on a random tuesday, but that old excitement now felt like a chore.
Once I had got home, I felt even more stuck in my rut but after being bonbarded with persuation from my friends, I decided to gather the energy to get ready.
It wasnt until I had got ready that I realised that I’d been missing this part of me. I felt beautiful, I felt confident and rejuvenated. Thats when I realised where I’d been going wrong.
Exposing and letting go of the expectations
Self-care before having a baby was something I would indulge in, take my time to complete and thoroughly enjoy. I valued the importance of self-care that it became part of me and was never something I had to force to attain.
I realised that I still relyed on that expectation to be the same with being a mother and becuase what I had expected did not instantly become my reality, subconsciously I was slowly letting that part of me wither away.
Accepting the hard truth for attaining self care as a Mother
1.The want to self-care WILL NOT come as a natural need everyday
Sometimes I miss washing my face at night because I am completely shattered. Sometimes I cant be asked to shave my arm pits because Mylah is too silent (which means shes probably doing something she shouldn’t) and opt for a long sleeve top.
Self-care will slip your mind as quick as your reflexes when your child puts something they shouldn’t in their mouth.
Even when I am aware that I need to make the time for self-care,does not mean I want to do it in that moment ( yes you are not alone).
These feelings are normal so become more aware of them, accept them, understand them and most importantly be kind yourself.
Its ok if you miss a day or few. As long as you get back up, your still in control.
2. It can take a little to ALOT of force
The truth is simple, you have you force yourself, especially on thoes days ( like my day at the train station) where you just cant be asked!
That day took ALOT of force but now I am soo thankful because it reminded me how important self care is.
To relax doesnt come as easy when your a parent. Sometimes you have to force yourself to get up and make the bottle, you have to force yourself to change your baby’s nappy, you have to force yourself to wipe thoes tears and keep going.
You force yourself because you care. So be sure to care for you, force yourself to take a step in the self-care you deserve.
Sending you positive vibes, always.